|Bereaved Parents Wish List (This really says it all)
Bereaved Parents Wish List
I wish my child hadn't died. I wish I had him back.
I wish you wouldn't be afraid to speak my child's name.
My child lived and was very important to me. I need to hear
that he was important to you also.
If I cry and get emotional when you talk about my child,
I wish you knew that it isn't because you have hurt me.
My child's death is the cause of my tears. You have talked
about my child and you have allowed me to share my grief.
I thank you for both.
Being a bereaved parent is not contagious, so I wish you
wouldn't shy away from me. I need you now more than ever.
I need diversions, so I do want to hear about you, but I also
want you to hear about me. I might be sad and I might cry,
but I wish you would let me talk about my child; my favorite
topic of the day.
I know that you think of and pray for me often. I also know
that my child's death pains you too. I wish you would let me
know these things through a phone call, a card or note,
or a real big hug.
I wish you wouldn't expect my grief to be over. These
first years are traumatic for me, but I wish you could
understand that my grief will never be over. I will suffer
the death of my child until the day I die.
I am working hard in my recovery, but I wish you could
understand that I will never fully recover. I will always
miss my child and I will always grieve that he is dead.
I wish you wouldn't expect me "not to think about it" or "be
happy". Neither will happen for a very long time,
so don't frustrate yourself.
I don't want to have a "Pity party", but I do wish you would
let me grieve. I must hurt before I can heal.
I wish you understood how my life has shattered. I know
it is miserable for you to be around me when I'm feeling
miserable. Please be as patient with me as I am with you.
When I say, "I'm doing okay", I wish you could understand
that I don't "feel" okay and that I struggle daily.
I wish you knew that all of the grief reactions I'm having
are very normal. Depression, anger, hopelessness and overwhelming sadness are all to be expected. So please
excuse me when I'm quiet and withdrawn or irritable
Your advice to "take it one day at a time" is excellent
advice. However, a day is too much and too fast for me right
now. I wish you could understand that I'm doing good to
handle an hour at a time.
Please excuse me if I seem rude, certainly not my intent. Sometimes the world around me goes too fast and I need to
get off. When I walk away, I wish you would let me find a quiet place to spend time alone.I wish you understood that grief
changes people. When my child died, a big part of me died
with him. I am not the same person I was before my child died
and I will never be that person again.
I wish very much that you could understand ~ understand my loss and my grief. But, I pray daily that you will never understand.